And The Winner Is…

Tomorrow night is Oscar night.  All eyes will turn to Hollywood and the stars that make up its citizenry.  I say all eyes, but in truth, it won’t be all of us.  There will be some, much as myself, who shy away from the glitz and glamour that is represented there.  This year was a remarkable year for Christian films.  War Room garnered almost 68 million during its theater run.  Do You Believe? garnered almost 13 million.  And those are just two of the MANY Christian films that hit the box office last year.  Let’s bring a lot of Jesus to Hollywood and teach them what REALLY sells.  People flocked in droves to see the gruesome The Revenant (385 million worldwide).  It garnered 12 Academy Award nominations – the most of any movie represented.  While War Room received no nominations at all, the fact that enough people went to see it to generate 65 million in sales, is phenomenal, not to mention the far reaching effects from video (We own the movie, I have now seen it 4 times).  Some movies have the ability to touch us for a moment, others touch us for a lifetime.  War Room is such a movie, if you haven’t seen it, rent it, you will love it!

There have been a ton of changes in our home.  Rich lost his job and God led him to start a business, so Eagle’s Wings Remodeling was born.  We both are wearing bifocals.  Rich has worn glasses his entire life but 10 years ago, he got laser surgery and until recently, he didn’t need glasses.  I was with Rich when he picked out his frames.  I remember getting choked up but not totally understanding why.  Then it dawned on me why I was so emotional.  Richard wore glasses when we met.   The laser surgery coincided with the affair.  Glasses Richard loved me, the other guy did not.  Rich and I talked about it later that night when the realization hit home and as much as my husband hates wearing glasses, he took my face in his hands, kissed me and said, “Well then Glasses Richard is here to stay.”

Last November, I wrote the following paragraph (I have a reason for sharing):

“In the grand scheme of things I should be used to loss but the truth of my husband’s affair, still stings.  Are we in a better place? Yes.  Has God used our pain for good?  Most definitely.  Am I good with it all?  Not in the least.  I do not condone what my husband did but a sweet friend pointed out that sometimes things have to happen for the best things to happen.  I agree with that but my stupid stubborn will wants to hold on and wallow a bit longer.  Unfortunately, that is not possible, God has moved us and more specifically me, in a definite direction at a very rapid pace.  I question the timing, I question my readiness and His answer continues to be, “You have spent a lifetime preparing – your time is now”.  I have to say, I don’t understand it but I am willing to walk where He would have me walk.”

Two weeks ago, I did something I didn’t think I would ever do again.  I got baptized.  I know it seems frivolous, after all, my first baptism was real and strong and very meaningful.  Why get baptized again?  Because my husband did it nearly 2 years ago, after the affair came out, and he felt like he came up out of the water a totally new man.  He was a Christian and he loved the Lord, but there was something in his baptism the second time that seemed like a new start.  After being searched by God and found lacking in the area of trust, I have been walking down a path of rediscovery and incredible healing.  So, on Valentine’s Day, at 8:30 in the morning, with my son and his wife taking pictures, and my dear friends watching, my precious husband and our Life Missions pastor, baptized me.  I came up out of the water crying and hugging and being hugged and finally being kissed by my husband in front of God and literally everybody.

The day was amazing and perhaps the best day of my life but it has been in the last two weeks that I have discovered that, as Carrie Underwood sings, “There’s something in the water”.  I didn’t see it as first, but within a few days I realized that my heart no longer hurt.  That the sting of my husband’s affair was no longer there.  Yes, the knowledge and the sadness that it happened still remain, that will likely never go away, but the pain that always occurred alongside the sadness and the memory, were gone.  Like magic they were gone.  Did Satan like that?  Absolutely not and he tried diligently to attack all that first week and finally got to me through my husband.  I hadn’t shared with Rich yet, I was still feeling my way around the discovery but once the battle lines were drawn, I quickly made sure Rich knew and was ready to fight alongside me.  His response at the knowledge that it no longer hurt me was priceless. Tears filled his eyes and he held me close, thanking God.

Today I was required to not only drive past the motel they once used, but also the college where they met and fell in love.  In the past, I have had a hard time making this trip without feeling like a huge failure because I never figured it out.  I rarely drive this route alone and never both locations in the same day.  But today that was required.   I was making deliveries and one of them was to my husband at a jobsite.  I was alone, I had to pass both places and…I felt no pain, no failure, nothing but a passing thought of what those places were. As I walked into the house where Richard was working, I could hardly wait to tell him my news.  As he held me in his arms, I looked up and told him.  Again, tears filled his eyes, he pulled me close and breathed the sweetest prayer of thanks.

In November I was questioning everything and wishing that the pain would just go away.  This year, the pain is gone, my faith is stronger than ever and I am resting in the arms of my Savior.

In a time when Hollywood glorifies affairs and divorce, I have clung to a single truth:  My God Reigns.  And in His kingdom is healing and love and wholeness.  Instead of watching the Oscars tomorrow night, I will be reliving my first date with the love of my life.  We will be eating Chinese food watching Star Trek 6 – The Undiscovered Country!  And in my heart, I will hear, and the winner is:  GOD!

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